


Vic

by MR01



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bi-Curiosity, Crossdressing, F/M, Falling In Love, Idiots in Love, Internalized Homophobia, Prostitution, Surprise Kissing, The Garrison Pub (Peaky Blinders)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:15:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23356054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MR01/pseuds/MR01
Summary: Tommy had caught sight of a beautiful man basking in moonlight.
Relationships: Tommy Shelby/Lizzie Stark
Comments: 9
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So okay guys, it's been a minute since I finished a story and I just want to say I had a lot of fun with this. So thank you all for reading and your comments, stay safe. -MR01

* * *

"It's now or never." Deep breath. Hands relaxing while she straightened her tie. Voice lowering as she mutters the words "I'm ready as I'll ever be" to herself and the night sky.

The view of the Garrison Pub becoming visible now. And it amped up her anxiety a little.

If she were caught she would be in a bit of a pickle or worse but here she is now steeling herself.

Normally she wouldn't have thought about doing something like this but as time went on and her business dwindled.

For the lack of a better term, she had reasoned with herself that this was part of the hustle.

A good way to scout out the new variety of higher class clientele without exposing herself.

That she would just do this once and leave before anyone bothered to take a second look.

The plan for tonight would be a simple scout mission.

That who knows if she got lucky she would go home a few dollars richer even if in the dark.

That if she played her cards right and was careful everything would go smoothly.

Because hunger was making her desperate and the cold Autumn air had already begun getting to her.

So here she was. The cool night air burrowing against her skin.

Someone new, irrecognizable. A man.

A dapper one at that, she could boast.

Had caught a reflection of herself in a store's window but one who would lay as low as physically possible and in the shadows for most of this outting.

* * *

Sneaking into the club and finding a lonely booth towards the back had been surprisingly easy.

With people up and about socializing. Happy and so carefree. She felt a slight pang of jealousy.

Made her way up to the bar. Bypassing people gracefully on her way to the bar up until she was face to face with the barmaid questioning his poison and Liz felt her face heat up with shame.

Eyes flashing with fear now that she was questioned. Having completely forgotten that she was here in men's clothing.

She had felt so good and free, right to be apart from her constricting clothing that for a moment she had lived in a world where it hadn't mattered.

But she is back to herself and the real world now. Tipping her cap low to cover a little more of her hair she clears her throat.

Voice going a little gruff and she wants to kick herself as she channels a boy going through puberty.

"Gin, neat. Thanks doll." She blurts out quickly.

Just barely managing to keep it together long enough to go meeting her eyes only briefly so as to hopefully not arouse suspicion.

Thankfully the maiden is quickly approached with a list of orders for a few women and Lizzie takes that as her queue to pay.

Grabbing her drink with practiced ease and going. Once she's seated simply watches the ongoings.

People making out. While others are gambling or dancing. Most taking the occasional bump of coke with whiskey or the presence of a cigarette not too far behind.

* * *

"Wouldn't kill you to drink with us you know." Arthur had a bottle of whiskey and another of bourbon. 

A new game of poker starting soon just for them to get in if they wanted a table over.

"Can't. Polly says I've had a few too many as far as this night is concerned. She cut me off for the foreseeable hour." Tommy blew the cigarette smoke to his left.

Eyes scanning the room of well off, cheery people letting loose in his City.

"If you still feel that way in ten minutes please do us both a favor and ignore me the rest of the night." Arthur smiles his way. 

Patting him on the shoulder as Thomas nods. Having weighed the words in his head.

"Aye. By all means, enjoy on my behalf brother."

Tommy left him and found himself staring out the window. He had wanted to get away from the crowd for a minute.

The cool night air making it's way past the ever inviting doors as the moonlight illuminated the bustling streets.

* * *

Tommy having found himself slightly out of place and even somewhat bored tonight in this place despite all of the entertainment, the lively atmosphere.

And he had found himself watching the world from this viewpoint. 

When a lean, well yet humbly dressed man catches his full attention. Simply adjusting their tie innocently by an unlit lamp-post.

And if he isn't the most beautiful creature Tommy has ever seen in his life even if under the glow of the moonlight.

Tommy rubs at his eyes. Thinking that he's clearly disoriented because he's drunk and very probably delirious.

Definitely not interested in men either but for the love of the fucking Peaky Blinders if he doesn't just want to lure him into the nearest wall and take him until he's cum a few times and right again.

Taking a long drag of his cigarette he puts it out on the wall and turns away from the window.

Mildly disgusted with himself at the moment for having entertained the idea of that happening long enough to physically crave it now.

He does the opposite of what he thinks is best.

He turns away from the window, briskly goes up to the barkeep.

Ordering himself a cup of Irish coffee. Nursing it for a moment then let's her know that if this _strikingly beautiful_ well kept stranger came in through the door in the next five minutes to just give him free drinks.

And to call him personally if there was any sign of trouble.

* * *

Liz had made it back to her table intact. Breathing a sigh of relief as she melts into her chair.

Enjoying the warmth of this place, the atmosphere and the music despite herself.

She had meant to just come in and get going, not be comfortable.

"Oh, lord." She almost jumped, didn't but still the tension she feels is quickly evident in her stance when she comes face to face with the bartender she had just escaped from.

The woman is carrying a pitcher of beer and two glasses.

"I just came to tell you that your money's no good here, hon. You're our lucky guest." 

They smile at her before quickly making their way back to the bar when they notice a new line forming and her back-up helping nowhere in sight.

Throwing the words 'enjoy' and 'courtesy of Mr. Shelby' over her shoulder as they walked.

Leaving Lizzie startled by her luck. Her blood pressure spiking as she stares at the drinks only for her to experience a small death the very next instant.

Thomas Shelby in the flesh. A cup of coffee in his right hand and a freshly lit cigar in his left.

An air of self-assuredness and strength to him even after all this time, after the horrors of war or France.

"What's your name?" His voice comes out low and rough, curious.

"Eliz- um Ellis..my name's Ellis." He smiles up at Tommy. Looking away and at his drink as his face begins to show a rosey pink color.


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

"I appreciate the free drinks but I'm not looking for favors." Wordless she slides the notes a little closer to Tommy.

She's trying not to blow her cover so soon into the act.

She is already here and across from the one person who could leave her wrecked with a single look.

Just for an hour or so she is someone else.

Free.

That had been the plan.

She would do anything for this man without question or concerns for herself.

He is her desire incarnate.

What her dreams consist of when she can even dream in the first place but they come like small flashes of mercy after long, at times painful or uncomfortable and humiliating days at work.

Yet right now she isn't herself and Thomas Shelby, he can very well fuck off.

Tommy quirks up a little smile surprised at how quickly this lad rejected him and even more so at how much his own interests had increased.

"It's not that serious. Just a few drinks." He pulls up a chair. Slicking his hair back as he makes himself at home here.

Letting his cap fall beside him. Lizzie's breath coming out even as she recalls last week's brawl incident.

Having seen men dragged from here bleeding and cut up. Clearly only alive to send a message.

Knowing that the cigar was a bad idea but thinking that he didn't want to light a cigarette for himself so soon. He puts it out watching the smoke swirl up in it's death.

There is silence for a few minutes. With Ellis giving in and drinking his gin. Still avoiding his gaze.

"What brings you here tonight? I don't see you partaking in the festivities." Tonight hadn't been one of those invite only gigs but the people here had known better than to come underdressed.

"I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about but I can leave. Was only passing through anyway."

Before Ellis makes his move to go Tommy has already reached out for his lithe wrist like something instinctual.

"Stay." He leans a little forward, not missing the way the man tenses up or the slight shiver.

His blue eyes sharp as ever as he locked eyes with Ellis before they had a chance to look away. 

Tilting his chin up with a gentleness he has only ever reserved for his sister, Polly or women.

He wants to pull away at the thought. Still he carries on. "Enjoy the view."

Tommy stands up then. Letting him go completely but then next thing he knows is man is reaching for his hand.


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Stopping shortly Ellis moves gracefully for the pint instead.

Clearing their throat before just bringing the cup to their lips. Their other arm motioning back to the chair.

"Here Mr. Shelby, join me for a drink. You graciously supplied 'em after all." He hands him the same glass.

Eyelashes fluttering slightly, the simple act seeming to border between a confident seductiveness, mastered and something downright natural.

Holy hell if this man doesn't stop playing games. Tommy might just act on what he wants. Fuck the consequences. 

Curious to see what would happen. Fear making way for excitement but John's voice is suddenly really close and so is Esme's laughter.

Both effectively thrusting her back into the real world and Lizzie reins herself back in. 

And Thomas has surprisingly followed the command without comment or protest.

_Interesting, hot and kind of annoying._

_So this is what it's like to be a man? The self-entitlement, respect. Okay._

"What brings you to Birmingham? The circus isn't in town nor are them pictures. You got relatives 'ere? Business or are you here, in my bar of all places seeking pleasure?" Tommy knows it's a loaded question, that's why he asked it.

Still it's him that finds himself downing the glass then another and a third in a go. On edge with the scent of a thrill.

A quick succession that kind of works in his favor because it leaves him staring at the ceiling fan intently one moment.

Then staring at the folk at the party, anything really to avoid looking across the table and seeing as the lovely man bites the inside of their cheek or licks their bottom lip before pressing them together in their nerves.

In part to impress the stranger and to attempt to clear out the fog in his head.

"I can't be here for the horse races, the rat-baitings or the dog fights is it. Shame." Ellis sips the drink leisurely watching Tommy act in this new light.

God's blessings he is an angel draped in blood, grief and so much paranoia but he's so fucking charming.

And definitely interested in her as a man which alright she admits that she doesn't know how to feel about that.

This knowledge feels like a lot to unpack at the moment.

Setting his cup down with a bang Tommy laughs whilst shaking his head.

"Nay. This is where you messed up and I can fix your narrative. You might come here dressed in shambles-"

As he speaks his eyes rake over his body sinfully before he composes himself at the sound of Finn telling Michael to pay up.

Because this line of work ain't cheap and he just wiped the floor with him at gops and that if he knew what's good for him he wouldn't dare come at him when playing rummy.

Speaking a little lower now so he has to lean closer. As if what he was about to say next is meant to be a secret.

"But you look like you deserve to be wrapped in satin or silk as you wake up. Basking in the sunshine or moonlight in the middle of a private beach somewhere."

An array of emotions come for Lizzie all at once but it is laughter so genuine coming out of her mouth that startles the both of them.

"You fucking kidding me, Mr. Shelby?" And in her amazement it had taken everything in her not to just call him Tommy or blurt out the name Thomas with such incredulity.

That she physically had to straighten herself up and forcefully remove herself from the equation.

The fucking audacity of it all but of course it's Thomas she's talking to not just a Peaky Blinder.

Excusing himself Lizzie stands saying that they were going to get them both two shots of vodka.

Praying to anything that would hear her tonight, would listen that this dazzling devil of a man would be gone from her table and her sight before she came back.

* * *

Just as Ellis goes out of sight, loosing himself in a sea of faces Tommy finds himself unsure of just what the fuck he thought he would accomplish here.

Why he risked exposing himself or feeling like a real fool.

He has to restrain himself from tensing up when he feels Arthur clasping him hard on the shoulder.

"Ay Tom who was that lad. And what's he doing here in my pub?" 

Arthur got a good look at the scene they made. The two of them looking real chummy without a care in the world and it had caught the attention of more than just him or Polly.

He had just walked over with the intention of introducing himself but now the man is gone and his brother, well his brother looks a little shaken.

Tommy ran a hand over his eyes before pulling out a cigarette, lightning it and taking a long drag. Not wanting to have his mind wander back to the conversation and offer he just made.

His rejection.

"Don't know, tell the boys to leave him be if he comes back askin for me and if you're still here tell him I'm off taking a shit."


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

Lizzie finds herself making a beeline for the door. Even though she wants to drink something other than alcohol.

Maybe like water.

She had come here for fucking business.

To get some money by jerking a man or two off if things had been kept simple and who knows maybe have a good time in the process not to leave feeling actual feelings.

Complicated stuff, real and serious.

But here she is now. And despite what she knows she definitely isn't over her incessant love for Thomas.

She finds herself feeling hot and overwhelmed slightly, like she could do with a splash of cold water and some fresh air.

But who is she kidding, she knows where she is.

She wouldn't have it any other way because it's what she knows, it's familiar all in all. 

Still the conversation weighs on her mind. Like a cruel joke that lingers on the air long after it's been told.

She is intent on leaving and going home.

Thinking her little scout mission both a success and a failure all at once.

That she was about to leave with more information than she'd asked for or had wanted but God if she isn't just a little more in love with Tommy and this side of him.

And she wonders if Greta, Grace or May were made aware of this secret. She needs to get the full story.

Making up her mind and going against her better judgement she thinks that she's never gonna learn to just let things be.

Instead of the bar Lizzie finds herself going to the restroom after having spotted John walking out.

Only to stop herself short at the entrance of the woman's.

"Shit" she huffed out a humourless laugh as she mutters the word 'shit' twice more.

Looking around briefly she man's up so to speak and heads to the men's. 

Once inside she is pleasantly surprised to see that it's not as gross as she had initially assumed.

It smelled like it's intended purpose but the cool air of opened windows helped greatly.

She approached the sink and stared at the image before her in the illumination of the lights.

She wishes she had bummed a cigarette off of Thomas or had brought her own.

Muttering the words 'I'm just not meant to be fucking happy ever, am I?' and 'fuck you universe.' As she turns on the water intent on splashing herself to hopefully think a little clearer.

Lizzie wants to take this hat off and let her hair down, wants to be back in her clothes and be safe in her house.

To protect herself but she also wants to hug Tommy and tell him that he is loved, that he shouldn't be afraid to be honest with her.

To be himself and that if he wants she can be this illusion for him in the darkness of an alley or the safety of his bedroom, his office.

But knowing that if he knew what she'd done, who she was that he would never trust her again.

That he might even have a bullet with her name on it. Best and worst case scenarios.

"It was accidental Tommy, I didn't want-intend to break your heart or my own in the process."

She jumped slightly at the sight of Thomas' sharp blue eyes staring straight at her reflection in the mirror.

"What does that mean, exactly."


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

"That I don't belong to your world. Won't. No matter how attractive the notion." Lizzie tilts her head down.

Hiding her eyes. Shadowing her face. Tommy doesn't miss the wobble of the his lips.

The words _that I'm no good for you, never have been or might never be_ mercifully still lay on her tongue. 

Still in that moment she is forced to re-evaluate the situation she is in.

Those words meant hope, making their current little get together more than is or was ever going to be.

She is a whore through and through even if she is still a secretary by day.

Whilst he's an MP to the world, a fucking ruthless mobster boss at night. 

"That this will, can only end on a bad note. In heart ache and despite not knowing you. Not really, I don't want to let you down." She bites her lower lip and he can see the honesty in her eyes.

God he's surely gonna burn for it but Tommy wants to reach out and kiss him until he can't breathe.

To make him feel wanted and loved even if it only lasts for a little while. Because they could both use that.

"Fuck that. I don't care. So neither should you. I break traditions. Look at me now." Tommy winks at him, smirking. Trying to make him feel at ease as he chances taking a step forward then another.

"Look at me love, if I'd stayed as I was supposed to I'd 'ave forever been fucking miserable my whole life."

"With a bullet in me head by my own hand most likely. Had I not had ambitions or a drive. Had I not pushed and inspired my family or friends to follow my example."

Tommy doesn't miss the way Ellis' fingers grip the sink and he has some ideas in mind at the sight.

He waits for the man to look up at him however before moving any closer.

"What do you want from me Tommy? You could find anyone." 

Tom for his part has the decency to look like he is actually thinking the question over before answering.

"Du' know what I do know is that right now I don't want them. Right now I just need you to make me right even if it's wrong."

He risked the final steps. When he did he felt Ellis' body melt against his.

At that he wrapped his arms around his body possessively. One hand gripping at his waist and the other at his throat, tilting his head back as he kisses him.

Placing a hungry kiss on his neck before moving lower with is mouth as he moves to undress the man at the sink.

Eagerness forcing his hands and Ellis' moans making him act. Desperate.

"I want you to close your eyes as you fuck me, Thomas. Place your hands above mine and keep them there, right." Lizzie meets Tommy's eyes in the mirror before twisting to capture his mouth in a proper heated kiss.

Watching him and taking in his flushed cheeks.

Mentally psyching herself up saying that she can do this and that she is sorry for what is about to happen because to an extent she is fooling him, knowing fully well that karma will come for her.

"Otherwise, I will end this here and now before things even start. Can you please do that?"


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

"For you? Anything, love."' Tommy knows that he's playing with fire. Risking it all for a simple fix. 

His name, status, honor and life. Everything banked on Ellis not fucking him the wrong way.

He's counted himself a gambling man on occasion. Thomas thinks that fuck it he's gotten this far in life.

Regardless of what happens once he's come down from his high, mastered his desires he wants this just as much as the strikingly gorgeous lad.

Once he's shut his eyes Ellis wasted no time in unbuttoning his slacks.

"You're so hard for me darling." Ellis pushes back against his still clothed erection and it takes everything in Tommy to not reach for him.

"Let me touch you Ell-" Lizzie chooses that moment to back against him at just the right angle to drive him crazy.

And it's really something. Almost as if this wasn't the first time they were doing this.

Tommy finds himself a little confused at the thought but wanting to explore this further.

To mark him as his own. His. But he doesn't, closing his eyes harder until he thinks he's given himself a slight headache in doing doing so.

He won't out him or cause trouble. Wouldn't have even if they hadn't started fucking.

Some secrets and the reasons for 'em are a man's own to hold.

Lizzie knows he's been good for long enough. That she doesn't want to have him finish in his nightclothes despite his eagerness.

His mouth is against her ear. Tongue and teeth teasing her earlobe as he begs her for more with a foreign name on his lips.

Voice reverting somewhere between Gaelic and Romani when his cock enters her warmth.

Thrusting hard and in quick succession he sets a livelier pace than what's she's grown accustomed to and she realizes that he's been holding back with some sadness.

She feels like a horrible person.

But fuck if he doesn't just fuck her perfectly. 

He's close. Still he thinks it's a little unfair only he gets to feel pleasure. He's a giver by nature even when he's a right bastard.

"Oh gods just like that Tommy." Lizzie almost forgot herself as she felt him come to completion inside her and shuts down his apology with a kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

"I finished. You don't have to worry bout it, me. Promise." She lied but she didn't.

She'd come in her pants. That was very much true.

It was making her feel slightly uncomfortable and a little embarrassed but because Tommy was the cause of it, it evened up the score in her head.

Lizzie had allowed him to release her and tuck himself away.

To open his eyes. When he did the first thing he did was pull her close and kiss her deeply.

His tongue making her weak, feel intoxicated.

"Yeah well, thank you." He makes his way to the restroom door. Walking briskly to hide the rising heat in his face.

He left the lad debauched and for fucks sake if Tommy doesn't leave right now he very well might fuck him again.

Lizzie watches him. It's like seeing him in a new light and she wonders if all of this pain is what she'd wanted.

Had asked for. Because she certainly hadn't backtracked.

Having tucked himself in and rinsed his hands. Righted himself as if nothing happened here.

As if he could just move on. Tom reaches for the door handle. Intent on unlocking it.

Anger and resentment, humiliation hitting her all at once. When she realized what she'd done. What was happening now.

"Pay me." The words burn her up with shame and disgust as she cannot help tears from falling or keep her shoulders from shaking but fuck him and more importantly fuck her for being so god-damned pathetic.

"Excuse me?" The words echo back. Filling the space between them with an uncomfortable stretch of silence.

"Fucking pay me, Thomas." As she spoke she tossed her hat to the ground. Her words coming out sharp, enraged.

When she had been the one to ask for this, to initiate it. This was her own undoing.

The look in his eyes as he watches goes from hurt to unreadable in seconds. "So it's like that, is it Lizzie. Okay. Take it all." He reaches into his pocket tossing all of the money he has in his pockets at her feet.

"Thanks again for the fuck. Oh and I don't want, I will not see you in Shelby Company Limited in the morning. That understood? Good."

She doesn't look at him or the money. That doesn't stop her from pocketing the cash or him from voicing the words 'what the fuck were you thinking' so gently as he stops by the doorway.

And neither know who that comment was really directed to.

"That I wanted to forget it all. Reinvent myself for the night. I don't know. One things for sure. You weren't meant to be here. This wasn't on the agenda."

"Alright. I won't be then." He throws the words at her like a gypsy curse and he wants to take them back as soon as he said them because he needs to know what the fuck led her to this.

"Tommy..you were paying attention to me. Still, I am so-"

"No, no. Fuck you Liz. Because the world knows I have."

She stands to her full height yet he still manages to tower over her just barely. 

He can see fear and resignation in her eyes. Watches her tense up slightly when he breaths deeply. 

Tommy wonders what's going through her mind. He feels like he should be the one apologizing. What the fuck though.

"I God, Liz. I don't know who's less crazy." 

She manages to meet his eyes long enough to utter an apology and that's just not right because she's never gonna be the bad guy.

Not in his book or watch when there are genuine monsters out there.

He watches her lean against the wall and he follows her actions pulling out a cigarette and placing it against his mouth before offering it to her.

Lightning it once it's in her possession before speaking again.

"I don't.. I can't ever hate you. No matter what you do or how you go about doing it. Yet I am fucking disappointed and fucking angry."

"Not just with you though because it takes two and I fucking wanted anything you had to offer. So you've got that going for you."


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

Thomas had walked out of the restroom after having cooled down a little.

Leaving Liz to her own devices because he didn't want to see her right now.

That didn't stop him from leaving his coat with her. Hoping that she can use it to better mask the evidence of their time together.

Thinking that now that he's cum and that he knows it's Lizzie that he can think things through a little better.

That it being her and not an actual man changes nothing and all of it at the same time.

He had asked her why she'd been out, here tonight.

_"Why have you continued this line of activities?_

Exploring in the first place, he paid her enough. Despite the recession or stock market crash.

Answering his question with one of her own. 

_"Why didn't you pay him, Tommy?"_

And they just stare at each other for a few good minutes until Tommy bums the cigarette back from her.

His thumb rubbing her cheek lightly before blowing a puff of smoke to the side.

Mumbling the words _'well, I think we have our answer. We know why."_

* * *

Now he's out here. Back at the table where they had been.

Replaying the whole night up until this point in his mind. 

He should have known like in hindsight. He could have possibly figured it out had he bothered to stay in the real world as he would have any other night.

But he had just gone with the flow and lived in a world where he was interested in getting to know someone.

No strings or problems attached. 

Fucking Lizzie. 

And okay he's mad but at the same time he's really not and he kinda gets it but it is the principal of things now.

Wiping at his eyes and snorting when he realized they were a little wet.

He sighs loudly. Having the barmaid bring him some gin and whiskey because the hour's passed.

Fucking Lizzie.

He low-key wants to laugh because she made a breathtaking man even though he'd still take her any day as a woman.

He can still feel the sensations of her skin pressed against his. When he closes his eyes he can still taste her and the liquor.

Hear her lose herself in her pleasure. He sighs again.

* * *

"Where were you? I assumed you'd gone home after talking business with the new fella. Where is he by the way."

John grabs the bottle of whiskey and pours himself a glass liberally.

"Why do you ask, brother?" Tommy sighs. Wandering why the act became a thing now.

Or why it's even the main thought weighing on his mind currently.

Pinching the bridge of his nose to try and keep it together he tries to focus on his brother.

Hoping that whatever he was about to say next wasn't nonsense.

"He looked like he didn't belong here. Not dressed as high society. Nor like someone from Birmingham I've seen. Was he the mafia or secret service, ay Tom?" 

John takes a sip of his drink while staring at him trying to gauge his reaction.

"If you don' know yet, I can find out."

Tommy glared at him before he could even stop himself. His emotions threatening to rule him if he was not careful.

"Alright, I'm going to tell you and you let everyone in this bar know. You leave that lad alone John, I already told fucking Arthur."

Thomas wants to go home but he knows the people in his life.

 _Apparently Lizzie not well enough._ His mind supplies but moving forward.

"That understood. Good. Now I'm going to make a call. When I come back I want you to join me for a proper drink brother. Also why don't you go find Michael and Arthur?"

Thomas stands up bent on calling his driver to pick up Lizzie and have them take her home.

Walking briskly to the restroom. Hoping that if anyone was paying a little too much attention to him now.

That they just thought he had stomach problems and had to go to take a shit.

Breathing deeply before he walks in he decides to knock first.

"Alright Liz, I'm coming in." He waits a few more seconds before walking forward and actually opening the door.

His inner gentleman kicking in. And he's glad that it is unlocked on one hand while on the other he had not expected that.

Once he's in he doesn't see Lizzie anywhere in sight and for a moment he feels chills.

Fear making him irrational up until he sees an open window then to mises that Lizzie left of her own devices.

Just to be safe however he will be sending people to scout the area. Over to her apartment.

He might be upset but that doesn't mean he's going to be a bastard.


	9. Chapter 9

* * *

"Well fuck you Thomas Shelby." Lizzie had done it. She fucked up and ruined whatever it was that she had going with Tommy. 

Because that's what she does, self-sabotages anything good in her life because that is who she is.

Despite knowing that she wants it, that after everything she's been through she deserves something good.

Her mind supplementing the words.

_Maybe it's for the best. He was never gonna love you._

And she knows that, always did. Had never really thought otherwise despite her foolish hopes.

Lizzie puts out her cigarette on a wall.

Tugging Tommy's coat to her a little tighter. For fucks sake, she can still feel his warmth against her back.

She lets a few tears fall. A puff of smoke clouding her vision and that's all she's gotta say on the matter.

Walking a little slower now that it's starting to rain. The wind picking up too all of a sudden.

Because of course. It just had to happen right now in the dark and as her heart was breaking.

* * *

"Change of plans. We're going out patrolling. I've gotta find Lizzie. Round up the boys. I've left instructions." Thomas hands John a stack of papers with different locations on each.

There's an urgency to him even though his voice is level. Tom's demeanor is cool.

John thinks it's something to do with his eyes, the way his brother's eyes seem to shine bright with an intensity he doesn't often show.

"Yeah, for Lizzie I'd do anything. You think she's in trouble Tommy? I'll cut up that bastard that dares cross her." John stands up quickly, drink and plans of familial bonding forgotten.

He may not have married Lizzie or started a life with her but make no mistake he will always love her.

It may have evolved and changed now that he was married to another and had kids of his own but she will always have a place in his heart.

"Round 'em all up. Find her." With that Thomas walked out of the bar. Bypassing the crowd of rich drunk idiots near the door. 

Looking ready for anything and John stared after him long enough to see that he wasn't the only one so affected by the news.

* * *

Lizzie had arrived home safely. Having taken the long way home and her time walking here.

Soaking wet and sad as fuck but otherwise well. Thankfully.

She had taken off her hat and shoes. Had tossed her socks in a laundry basket and her underwear.

Tonight she had been so fucking reckless and she had taken it all in stride. Had been either insane or blessed.

But now it's getting to her and it's not cute at all. Her heart is not okay.

Crying something ugly and raw or at least starting to really get into when she heard loud knocking at her door.

And she wants to tell them to fuck off whoever they are because first of all, how dare they interrupt her.

She doesn't go around bothering them at 3:50 in the morning. Why are they not returning the favor.

When she doesn't open the door because she is bent on ignoring the person and resuming her woes she hears the door break in.

And she shocked long enough to see that for fucks sake it's Thomas and that he's soaking wet.

He kisses her. It takes their breath away and he is removing their wet clothes in quick succession.

Tumbling to the side slightly as he maneuvers them towards her bedroom.

He wants to worship her because he's feeling too much and he's never been one to handle it properly and she scared him on more than one occasion in the span of a few hours.

This is just easier that fighting or complaining. Thinking and he doesn't want to lead her on or break her heart or his own they mean too much to each other.

So he's going to fuck her until he thinks the situation has changed, righted itself enough to pass off as normal.

Pulling her closer.

Not saying anything or wasting time as he lifts her into the air. Ripping off her shirt but kissing her softly.

Looking at her in a way she doesn't want to think too much about. As the lighting makes everything in the room clearer. 

Pulling away from her long enough to call his driver over his shoulder, shielding her from view.

"Tell John to call it off. That they are welcome to start without me." He looks at Lizzie, wincing slightly when he sees her looking away. His heart breaking at the sight of her state.

He did this. He can make it better. "Also go home or join them, I'll see you in the morning."

When Thomas hears the door closes as best as possible now that it's broken he kisses her roughly.

Running his hands down her back as water drips onto the floor.

And the next thing he knows he is on his back with her above him.

He is cupping her right breast while his other hand is on her hip as she takes him in slowly and he wants to stop her.

To make sure that she gets satisfaction from the act. He isn't an asshole and he knows her.

She drives him crazy, makes him irrational and feel too much more often than he'd like to admit.

But she has her hands around his throat pulling his mouth closer to hers. Kissing him gently before she groans out his name and he is nipping at her chest. 


	10. Chapter 10

* * *

When he wakes up he is no longer wrapped up in her sheets or her warmth. Instead he is at home, in his own bed and he thinks he recalls what happened.

Had felt her kiss his forehead and heard the voices of Arthur and Polly in the early hours of the morning. 

So Lizzie had called his family to come for him and he feels it now. The fucking anger returning.

He gets out of bed quickly. Going to the restroom and peeing as he tries not to think about how god-damn cold he is.

Once he's done he flushes and walks over to the sink washing his hands then his face and brushing his teeth.

Turning on the cold water first he grabbed some soap. Scrubbing himself hard as he tries to wake himself up.

His cock stiffening as he recalls flashes of last night's events. His tongue swiping over his lips as he pictures her above him. 

Touching himself at the memory. 

He huffed out a sigh when he comes wishing he had had the foresight to grab something to drink. 

Switching the water over to hot he faintly hears Charlie running about the house and his staff following swiftly as they try to keep up. 

Once he's done in shower he gets out and grabs a towel from the rack.

Wondering what he'll have for breakfast and if Lizzie is awake.

If he should go over or just stay put and not do that.

* * *

It seems he's got his answer as he sees Arthur and Michael.

They are at the dinner table watching his son run around with toy trucks.

"Mornin" before Tommy pulls up a chair Arthur is already looking at him incredulously, like he's disappointed in him.

"Tom, she said you fired her. That she needed a break from you. I don't know what happened between the two of you but just give her some time."

Thomas doesn't have to ask who or what he's talking about now because he was there for all of it and okay, that makes sense.

"I know you ain't askin but for now simply forget about it and focus on the business."

He bites into a sausage link and smiles at the maid when she brings a fresh batch of toast slices.

He's clearly not hungry but still trying to make this a good morning. Therefore he'll eat to say he got something in his stomach.

So that maybe if he's good and he simply goes through the motions, he can just hopefully not think for five minutes.

"Besides Michael here..he could use some help with the books. Them books Tom are serious business."

Before his nephew even has a chance to protest that despite popular opinion he isn't incompetent, Arthur continues.

"Then when she's better or you apologize, she'll be back."

Tommy takes the opportunity to laugh feeling a little more confident now. Shrugging and being like "hey you know what you're right." 

Saying, 'when you're right you're right.'

And "how long can it be. It's Lizzie. C'mon now." Honestly feeling pretty confident has he said it.


	11. Chapter 11

* * *

Well then, he had been wrong. So, so wrong.

And by the second day stuff was just not great.

So much so that Ada and Polly alongside the other women in their lives had already caught wiff of the situation and were already speculating what was going on.

Probably placing a bet while they were waiting for news 

They brought him a Bundt cake and a bottle of wine. With a note saying.

' _Apologize Thomas. Today.'_

He didn't.

Still life went on and he didn't die. He got to work. He bought some horses.

Took care of Charlie and started a war with a local gang.

Went back to work and parties. The Garrison and women, drugs. Bad habits then healthy eating, exercise.

Even cut back on smoking and drinking, just barely but despite all that and still somehow Lizzie was no where in sight.

Fast forwarding a little Tommy thought back to his attraction to Ellis, Liz as a man and he acted. He kissed his driver.

It wasn't what he'd expected.

He had been disappointed, relieved but cool with that confirmation and resigned all at once.

He had threatened to skin the guy and despite not knowing what the conversation had been about.

Alfie had walked in just in the knick of time with a bottle of rum to offer the guy a few other awful suggestions since he'd seen Tommy so riled up.

Still life went on.

And he'd miss her at work. Way more often than he'd have thought possible.

Having memorized her schedule and work habits.

Having intertwined his life to fit hers so perfectly it was just wack to not have her around.

Even with a new secretary and temporary open position available.

But he wasn't going to be the one to make the first move. Not again.

Not ever.

Just who or what did she think he was. He wants to laugh as he pulls out a cigarette.

Fuck.

* * *

"It's been three months Lizzie." Thomas is standing at her door step with a beautiful bouquet of orchids.

He had thought he could simply move on, go about the five stages of grief and be good to be completely honest.

But he'd never been so wrong in his life.

Life was trash and nothing had meaning anymore with the worst thing being that he knew he could end this and he'd be good but his pride wasn't having it.

In all honesty he had thought he could replace her, it had crossed his mind.

Then he physically and mentally went about trying and it had been a monumental disaster the family will not speak of, ever by order of his damn self.

"I know, I've been here." She stepped aside letting him in.

Ada and Esme had come to see her a couple of times. Always carrying sweets, concerns, news and gossip but not before John and Arthur had dropped by earlier that week with groceries.

Polly having called her for about a month straight to see how she was doing.

"No, you haven't and that's the problem. Why I'm such a fucking mess."

He set the flowers down. Having left Charles with Finn. Knowing that Michael would go over shortly.

"What do you want from me Thomas." Lizzie had eyed the flowers thinking that she'd like to plant them outside and see if they'd take. 

"All of you Elizabeth. Just you." Goodness and he shows no mercy or restraint as he blurts out shit like this.

Almost akin to a love confession.

Lizzie feels her heart act up as her blood pumping in her ears is all she can hear now.

"Yeah?" She can't help it. She's a helpless idiot for this man.

"Aye" why does he sound just a breathless at the simple word.

"Well that's real stupid of you. You don't have to come here and toy with me just because I know one more of your secrets. C'mon now. We're fucking adults, you know that."

Lizzie crosses her arms. Shielding herself from the ideas begging to impress upon her unfounded hope.

"Can you just listen. It's not like that, you have me word Liz."

Lizzie doesn't know what to say now. So she closes the door and ushers him closer to the couch.

"What's it like then."

* * *

Thomas kisses her roughly. Managing to take her breath away. The feel of her making him wish he'd come sought-after her out sooner.

And he wastes no time on getting on his knees before her. Lifting her up into the air.

His hands on her ass just holding her like she weighs nothing and she lets out an excited giggle. 

She can almost pretend nothing had happened. Liz really missed him.

Really fucking missed him. Cannot help being so wet for him in her need. 

But she exploited his desires, had been willing to do anything to have him kiss her like he'd kissed her alter-gendered self.

He places her on her couch and stares up at her as if asking for permission to continue.

And okay if she died and went to heaven then it was a life well lived towards the end there.

She cannot mind one bit if this is her reward.

He licked her right nipple through the fabric of her dress leisurely before placing an opened mouth kiss on it while cupping the other one.

"Tommy, fuck..What are you doing?" She missed this and had it to continue but there's an elephant in the room.

"What I wanted to do to that handsome lad in the Garrison restroom a few months ago. Even after I found out the truth. Please Liz, let me have this."

He lifted up her dress. Pouring a decent amount of oil into his left hand. Coating his fingers in it and making her breath hitch.

"Lord have mercy on my soul, Tom. Ah, mmm because you sure don't."

He smirked up at her and God he looks so young here.

Like sin and war, grief, death and life didn't forever taint him.

She may not voice it but by all that is good she feels loved right now.

Always does on occasions with him when he isn't lost in his head and just going through the motions.

And it is not just because he has got his hands on her inner thighs spreading her open or his beautiful mouth on her pussy.

His tongue doing things to her she honestly thinks no man should've had the right to because with a single flick to the left he's managed to ruin anything else on this planet with a pulse for her.

"You left quite the impression Liz." He looks away but she can see his smile. He's flustered.

"That so?" She can't help wanting to hear him. His voice is like water on a hot summer day.

"You fucking set me right. Also I dearly missed my secretary. My confidant, my lover and more importantly my friend."

"You know me Liz. If you really think about it you're my partner in crime and all things legal too."

"Maybe one day we can make it official, a gypsy wedding. A cathedral and on paper just to seal the deal properly.."

"I've left you alone to your own devices for a fourth of the year and now you're feeling romantic? Yeah, I'm dreaming. It's quite pleasant though. You're so sweet here and gorgeous."

She rolled her eyes. Patting his hair gently before running her fingers through it.

"This feel real?" He rubs her clit roughly for a second before placing a kiss on it and she thinks him a bastard.

"Thomas.." her voice dies in her throat as he begins to fuck her in earnest with his tongue.

Pulling out when she whines that she'd like to say something.

"Don't worry Lizzie. One day, I'll ask you proper."

"Will we talk about your interests? They aren't a deal breaker. I adapt. I'm just here for you." 

Thomas tried to go back to taking care of her. For all that is dear to him she was missed.

Managing to close her legs as she yanks at his hair forces him to take the hint. That she would like to know a little more.

"Please Liz.." He stares up at her, licking his lips. His eyes saying things to her that his lips never can.

"Oh Tommy" she caresses his face and he leans against her palm to kiss it gently.

"Not today. Before, I ask you though. Maybe we can have dinner or take a holiday."


End file.
